first it’s not like you and hanguang-jun we’re not i mean i know he
i
it isn’t just us i mean back a while ago after we you know kissed the first time
he said that he liked kissing me but that there were other people he liked kissing too which i mean me too we sometimes even like kissing the same other people?? i think??
anyway not the point
the point is i know what i’m allowed
sect heir times two blah blah i can’t court whoever i want and that was honestly fine with me
and he i think he’s just kind of waiting for when i inevitably disappear, too
so it
i
but he said he loved me that he was in love with me
[and bringing alcohol and salted fish skin chips so get ready for your uncle barging into your room and promptly dragging your dumbass down to the floor and shoving a bottle of liquor your way, because clearly this is the kind of family they have]
Drink. Then eat. And then drink again before we start talking about this, because we are talking about this properly.
[ He had just enough time to tell Fairy to go find Jiujiu and get her out of his room before suddenly Wei Wuxian is in it and dragging him down to the floor and shoving alcohol into his hands.
He looks bewildered and a little worried - had he done something wrong?? Was this so bad it could only be discussed drunk??
But he dutifuly took the bottle anyway. ]
Okay, okay—
[ He twisted off the cap, took a sip, made a face, and then forced himself to chug down a few mouthfuls way too fast. Too fast. He coughed and then looked at Wei Wuxian as if he was worried the man was going to slap his back too hard. ]
The alcohol? No, not really. But it'll make you feel better because the only advice that really matters right now is...
[give him a moment to wipe the bottle's mouth and drink a pretty long gulp.]
You suck it up.
He loves you. That's great! People should always be in love! But here's the thing, nephew, the hardest part about being in love is not when they don't love you back. That's easy. You can move on, take your time finding someone else. But if you're in love with someone and they don't love you the same way you love them, now that's hell.
that's staying up at night wondering what you did wrong. If there's a chance for you to push things in the direction you want to go. If it's worth it to ruin what you have now for something that may not even be a possibility. Who cares if you're both heirs to your sects? Who cares if there's politics? That's a game. You can always find a way to win if you're patient and smart enough. But falling in love, being in love...
There's no defense for that. No cure. You're stuck. It's horrible, but Sizhui made that jump for you, and you're here. With me. Worried that you're going to get scolded. Don't tell me I'm wrong! "I can’t court whoever I want"? Are you my nephew? Are you Jiang Cheng's nephew? Shijie's blood runs through you, we are not quitters, we're not easily discouraged, we achieve the impossible.
[ His face was flaming hot by the end of it, and he raised the bottle and gulped down way too much because Wei Wuxian was right and he did very much wish to be drunk for this conversation now. ]
I— [ Fuck. It was easier to say it to Sizhui than it was now!! ]
— yeah. I do. I think. I- there are a couple of people I really like too, but—
[ He swallowed and looked away from the window and pointedly avoided the notoriously crunchy chips. ]
... The other Sizhui is here. The one from our world. And I- I guess I realized that it wasn’t—
It wasn’t the same? I really like Sizhui, even when we fight, but...
I don’t know. It isn’t the same. I don’t feel the same way that I did before, so it—
[ He raised the bottle to his lips and just held it there. ]
... he lets me call him A-Yuan. And the fact that whenever I go home it’ll be to a world without him is the worst thing I can think of.
You're friends. That's important. It makes things easier and harder, but the crucial bit is that you know you're both compatible on some level. You make him happy. He makes you happy. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes you want to make someone feel the same way you feel about them and that's nobody's business but yours, and sometimes the way you feel is mirrored back to you! But Jin Ling, you have to figure out what you feel first before you decide to run everything off a cliff and ruin things.
You like to kiss him, that's great! I'd like to kiss Lan Zhan too, and all the time, and it makes me want to scream into my sheets every morning when I wake up and remember that he has the most devastating sincerity on this forsaken place and that he means every word he says to me because Lans don't know anything about toning it down. They're always going for your throat! All the time! You think they're calm paragons of cultivation? Sure, they're that, but they'll also fight you and your family and your horse all in the name of what they believe in, even if what they believe in is you and you're some shameless idiot troublemaker.
That can be scary. And you're right to be scared, because if Sizhui is telling you that he loves you, that means he's thought about all three thousand rules twice over and has decided you're worth breaking a number of them for, and there's nothing you can do about it.
They're so annoyingly... frustratingly... ugh! They don't listen!
So he loves you. And you love him. And he wants to kiss you and you want to kiss him.
What's the problem?
Do you like our Sizhui that way too? Are you worried you'll confuse the two of them? Do you feel like you'll be disrespecting one if you kiss the other?
[ Jin Ling gets the strange feeling - not for the first time - that Wei Wuxian is not talking about him so much as he is talking about himself, but he doesn't actually mind. It still applies.
He takes another deep drink and his head swims a little bit. ]
No! I won't confuse the two of them, I couldn't. That's what I-- that's what I'm trying to say. Sizhui is Sizhui and A-Yuan is A-Yuan and it's--
[ Ah. Yes. The alcohol might be having an effect, because he makes a miserable face and then lunges for those stupid fish chips. ]
I don't know, I don't know our Sizhui as well, but it feels- it feels weird and wrong to even think about him that way. Like-- I know that A-Yuan kisses other people, I know that, so do I, it doesn't actually bother me much. Sometimes when I think about him kissing other people it makes me feel really - weird and warm instead - but when I think about- when I think about the other Jin Ling, the other me, I can't stand it.
I couldn't stand it if A-Yuan fell for him too. And I know that's selfish, because- because that's the one who's real, for him, that's the one he gets to keep, and I'm just--
[ His lips wibble, his eyes getting shiny as he stuffs the chips in his face and then takes another long drink. ]
I'm only here. I'm only here, and it's not fair, and it's not even fair to ask him for anything because I could be gone tomorrow.
Nephew, please know I'm doing this for your sake, so—
[very very gently: a slap on the cheek.]
Channel all this sad energy into something positive. Kiss him. Hug him. Hold his hand. Touch his shoulders! Comb his hair! Talk about cultivation and sweet shaved ice and tanghulu and flyIng on swords! Do everything that you want to do with him, as long as he wants it too!
Jin Ling, listen to me. What if Sizhui disappears tomorrow? What if he leaves and then he comes back and doesn't remember all of this? Would you really just let your hesitation keep you from telling him that you love him now? Don't you owe it to him and yourself to just go for it? Wouldn't it be more scary to not do anything than to reach out and tell him how you feel?
You're worried you're not gonna match up to the other you. That's normal. We always want to be the best version of ourselves, and this place... it makes you really look at the kind of person you could become, for better or worse. But it's not a contest, Jin Ling. You're you, and Sizhui loves you for you.
You have to trust him too. You can't carry all of your feelings. Love means sharing things. It means sometimes you fight, but you also work together to fix it.
[just gonna grip both your shoulders now.]
Sizhui didn't tell you about his feelings just so you can act like an idiot about them. Tell him all of this, and then work it out between the two of you.
But just don't get each other pregnant, because we don't want Jiang Cheng to die.
[ Jin Ling looks ridiculously offended at the slap, and like he's about to throw down, but the outrage dwindles as his uncle continues and his eyes drop a little bit. He feels like his face is on fire, and he wonders where the hell Wei Wuxian managed to drag good advice out of his hellscape of a romantic life, but... He had come to his uncle in the first place. Because he trusted him to be honest to him, at least.
His lips parted to say something, to - to defend himself, or argue, or-- he didn't even know but to say something--
And then Wei Wuxian completely derailed him. He nearly choked on his drink and then suddenly sat up much straighter. ]
That!! How could I?? We're both men! What is with you and pregnancy lately??
I might be! What if Lan Zhan has been taking liberties with me! You never know! Would you be yelling at me if I were carrying a child? Wouldn't you feel guilty!
[well, no, wei wuxian is entirely child-free, but he makes for a convincing act for all of 10 seconds before dropping it in favor of a smile. he shifts, this time, folding his legs under him and resting his chin on the back of his hand as he peers at his nephew with a look.
[ Without any warning at all, and with far less gentleness than Wei Ying had employed, Jin Ling smacks his definitely-not-pregnant uncle on the shoulder. ]
He would not!! Taking liberties! As if! You're being weird again!! I wouldn't feel guilty for yelling at you when you're being weird!!
[ He gives a humph and looks away when Wei Wuxian smiles at him like that, crossing his arms against his chest. Stupid idiot.
... Already forgiven.
At the question he looks back, his brows furrowing. ]
... I-
[ I already did, he wants to say, but something stops him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
it’s
okay
i don’t know where to start but
first it’s not like you and hanguang-jun
we’re not
i mean i know he
i
it isn’t just us i mean
back a while ago after we
you know
kissed the first time
he said that he liked kissing me but that there were other people he liked kissing too
which i mean me too
we sometimes even like kissing the same other people?? i think??
anyway not the point
the point is
i know what i’m allowed
sect heir times two blah blah i can’t court whoever i want and that was honestly fine with me
and he
i think he’s just kind of waiting for when i inevitably disappear, too
so it
i
but he said he loved me
that he was in love with me
hoooo boy
i'm coming over
[and bringing alcohol and salted fish skin chips so get ready for your uncle barging into your room and promptly dragging your dumbass down to the floor and shoving a bottle of liquor your way, because clearly this is the kind of family they have]
Drink. Then eat. And then drink again before we start talking about this, because we are talking about this properly.
Not sober, though.
...Quickly! I'm drinking too!
no subject
He looks bewildered and a little worried - had he done something wrong?? Was this so bad it could only be discussed drunk??
But he dutifuly took the bottle anyway. ]
Okay, okay—
[ He twisted off the cap, took a sip, made a face, and then forced himself to chug down a few mouthfuls way too fast. Too fast. He coughed and then looked at Wei Wuxian as if he was worried the man was going to slap his back too hard. ]
Is— Is this going to help?
no subject
[give him a moment to wipe the bottle's mouth and drink a pretty long gulp.]
You suck it up.
He loves you. That's great! People should always be in love! But here's the thing, nephew, the hardest part about being in love is not when they don't love you back. That's easy. You can move on, take your time finding someone else. But if you're in love with someone and they don't love you the same way you love them, now that's hell.
that's staying up at night wondering what you did wrong. If there's a chance for you to push things in the direction you want to go. If it's worth it to ruin what you have now for something that may not even be a possibility. Who cares if you're both heirs to your sects? Who cares if there's politics? That's a game. You can always find a way to win if you're patient and smart enough. But falling in love, being in love...
There's no defense for that. No cure. You're stuck. It's horrible, but Sizhui made that jump for you, and you're here. With me. Worried that you're going to get scolded. Don't tell me I'm wrong! "I can’t court whoever I want"? Are you my nephew? Are you Jiang Cheng's nephew? Shijie's blood runs through you, we are not quitters, we're not easily discouraged, we achieve the impossible.
So.
[god these chips are crunchy.]
Do you love him back?
no subject
I— [ Fuck. It was easier to say it to Sizhui than it was now!! ]
— yeah. I do. I think. I- there are a couple of people I really like too, but—
[ He swallowed and looked away from the window and pointedly avoided the notoriously crunchy chips. ]
... The other Sizhui is here. The one from our world. And I- I guess I realized that it wasn’t—
It wasn’t the same? I really like Sizhui, even when we fight, but...
I don’t know. It isn’t the same. I don’t feel the same way that I did before, so it—
[ He raised the bottle to his lips and just held it there. ]
... he lets me call him A-Yuan. And the fact that whenever I go home it’ll be to a world without him is the worst thing I can think of.
no subject
[time for some WISDOM]
You're friends. That's important. It makes things easier and harder, but the crucial bit is that you know you're both compatible on some level. You make him happy. He makes you happy. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes you want to make someone feel the same way you feel about them and that's nobody's business but yours, and sometimes the way you feel is mirrored back to you! But Jin Ling, you have to figure out what you feel first before you decide to run everything off a cliff and ruin things.
You like to kiss him, that's great! I'd like to kiss Lan Zhan too, and all the time, and it makes me want to scream into my sheets every morning when I wake up and remember that he has the most devastating sincerity on this forsaken place and that he means every word he says to me because Lans don't know anything about toning it down. They're always going for your throat! All the time! You think they're calm paragons of cultivation? Sure, they're that, but they'll also fight you and your family and your horse all in the name of what they believe in, even if what they believe in is you and you're some shameless idiot troublemaker.
That can be scary. And you're right to be scared, because if Sizhui is telling you that he loves you, that means he's thought about all three thousand rules twice over and has decided you're worth breaking a number of them for, and there's nothing you can do about it.
They're so annoyingly... frustratingly... ugh! They don't listen!
So he loves you. And you love him. And he wants to kiss you and you want to kiss him.
What's the problem?
Do you like our Sizhui that way too? Are you worried you'll confuse the two of them? Do you feel like you'll be disrespecting one if you kiss the other?
no subject
He takes another deep drink and his head swims a little bit. ]
No! I won't confuse the two of them, I couldn't. That's what I-- that's what I'm trying to say. Sizhui is Sizhui and A-Yuan is A-Yuan and it's--
[ Ah. Yes. The alcohol might be having an effect, because he makes a miserable face and then lunges for those stupid fish chips. ]
I don't know, I don't know our Sizhui as well, but it feels- it feels weird and wrong to even think about him that way. Like-- I know that A-Yuan kisses other people, I know that, so do I, it doesn't actually bother me much. Sometimes when I think about him kissing other people it makes me feel really - weird and warm instead - but when I think about- when I think about the other Jin Ling, the other me, I can't stand it.
I couldn't stand it if A-Yuan fell for him too. And I know that's selfish, because- because that's the one who's real, for him, that's the one he gets to keep, and I'm just--
[ His lips wibble, his eyes getting shiny as he stuffs the chips in his face and then takes another long drink. ]
I'm only here. I'm only here, and it's not fair, and it's not even fair to ask him for anything because I could be gone tomorrow.
no subject
Nephew, please know I'm doing this for your sake, so—
[very very gently: a slap on the cheek.]
Channel all this sad energy into something positive. Kiss him. Hug him. Hold his hand. Touch his shoulders! Comb his hair! Talk about cultivation and sweet shaved ice and tanghulu and flyIng on swords! Do everything that you want to do with him, as long as he wants it too!
Jin Ling, listen to me. What if Sizhui disappears tomorrow? What if he leaves and then he comes back and doesn't remember all of this? Would you really just let your hesitation keep you from telling him that you love him now? Don't you owe it to him and yourself to just go for it? Wouldn't it be more scary to not do anything than to reach out and tell him how you feel?
You're worried you're not gonna match up to the other you. That's normal. We always want to be the best version of ourselves, and this place... it makes you really look at the kind of person you could become, for better or worse. But it's not a contest, Jin Ling. You're you, and Sizhui loves you for you.
You have to trust him too. You can't carry all of your feelings. Love means sharing things. It means sometimes you fight, but you also work together to fix it.
[just gonna grip both your shoulders now.]
Sizhui didn't tell you about his feelings just so you can act like an idiot about them. Tell him all of this, and then work it out between the two of you.
But just don't get each other pregnant, because we don't want Jiang Cheng to die.
no subject
His lips parted to say something, to - to defend himself, or argue, or-- he didn't even know but to say something--
And then Wei Wuxian completely derailed him. He nearly choked on his drink and then suddenly sat up much straighter. ]
That!! How could I?? We're both men! What is with you and pregnancy lately??
Are you pregnant????
no subject
[well, no, wei wuxian is entirely child-free, but he makes for a convincing act for all of 10 seconds before dropping it in favor of a smile. he shifts, this time, folding his legs under him and resting his chin on the back of his hand as he peers at his nephew with a look.
a very "i have an idea" look.]
Want me to help you confess to Sizhui?
no subject
He would not!! Taking liberties! As if! You're being weird again!! I wouldn't feel guilty for yelling at you when you're being weird!!
[ He gives a humph and looks away when Wei Wuxian smiles at him like that, crossing his arms against his chest. Stupid idiot.
... Already forgiven.
At the question he looks back, his brows furrowing. ]
... I-
[ I already did, he wants to say, but something stops him.
He wants to hear this plan. ]
... What are you suggesting exactly?